When I heard the sperm donor tell my son, “I’m your dad, nothing can change that, others may take on my roles, but I’m still your dad”, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. And then my son just had to burst the bubble by saying, “because we share DNA?”. This short dialogue by father and son prompted me to write this article.
It sucks when you see your son playing basketball or video games with another guy, or telling you stories about his mom’s new friend. Or your daughter regaling you with stories about how smart her mom’s friend is because he helped her with homework. It’s not going to get easy; it just gets worse with time. So be ready for the inevitable. Especially, when they reach the age when they feel they no longer need you or want to see you because they have their own set of friends.
But that’s the life you’ve chosen for you and your kids. No one’s to blame, though. You just have to make sure that you do your part as the father and continue supporting, loving and caring for your kids. The best you can do is make your presence in their lives known, and leave a huge impact so that they will grow up with great memories about you.
The roles played by a father are limitless. Provider, protector, counsel, friend, foe, teammate, coach, teacher, doctor and whatever else you can think of. It’s just the same with mothers, except that men and women have different perspectives about it. When I think about it, only few men I know can manage role playing well. They can’t be friend and foe at the same time to their kids; although, it might surprise you that kids can accept the multiple characters you play in their lives easily. They will look at you filled with contempt for a fraction of a second, and then they embrace you like there’s no tomorrow. Parents, especially dads, have to find a way to accept the fact that their children have the same set of emotions they themselves feel.
I know of a guy who’s terribly heartbroken because his little girl grew up without him. It wasn’t his fault, he was working in another country and could only go home once a year. He and his wife are still together, but the fact that his wife’s brothers are taking on his roles just makes him useless. His daughter thinks he is an ATM machine and owns a toy store; because that was all he could provide. He is back in the Philippines, but the 10 years he spent away from his daughter left a huge gap in their relationship. He is trying to catch up, and it may take some time; but he’s willing to overcome the difficulties.
Fathers have to be there for their children from the very start. Sharing DNA or having the same blood type doesn’t make relationships; it’s just nature’s way of connecting people.
