My mom thinks I’m crazy and she probably wants to bash my head on the wall. She read my blog (I didn’t even know she goes to my blog) and sent me an email. That wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. I wanted to talk to her and let her know personally. But it’s all out in the open now, so there’s really nothing I can do except maybe pray that I win the lottery within the next couple of months.
The little man is excited and has been touching and kissing my tummy. He said his wish came true, and now he’s not an only child. You should hear him making plans about how he’s going to be taking care of the new baby. I’m glad one of us is happy.
My siblings are too caught up in their own lives to care. Deadma! And my dad, well, I haven’t told him. I don’t have the courage to tell him. Maybe he’ll find out by reading my blog, too. Who knows!
As for me, it’s all started to sink in. I was in denial for a while there. I mean, I wasn’t ready! I’m this self centered bitch (that’s no secret really) just waiting for her little kid to grow up so she can finally live her own life. I was set on waiting until my son turns 12, and then I’m going to put myself out there (finally!). Then the question still remains, how do I tell the guy I’m dating that I’m pregnant with my ex? For now, I’ve been hiding inside my room, working so that I don’t have to think about anything.
Then there’s the matter with my ex. The hormones are making me crazy! The thoughts that run through my head are driving me insane. I’ve decided not to deal with it right now, I’m too emotional. I just feel that it’s already too late to fix things with him, so many things have happened. I was set on letting the past go and just moving on with my life. Then the pregnancy happens! I really must be out of my mind, just like my mom said. I’ve already done almost everything (except drugs, which I don’t plan on using) to make a mess out of everything, so I guess I just have to learn to live with the fact that I now have two kids with him.
I guess this is another case of “be careful what you wish for” …
