When I talk to lawyers, or when I read their blogs; I always, always get a headache from trying to understand what they’re trying to say. All the mumbo jumbo about family law drives me crazy, and these “lawyer terms” are just so hard to understand. Whoever wrote the family code must not have wanted us simple people to understand what it means, or it was written so that we have to go pay lawyers to interpret them for us.
I’ve been often asked by single dads if they can have full custody of their children; and my answer has always been yes. To put it simply, and for humankind to understand, if a mother is proven to be incompetent she may lose custody of her illegitimate children, even if they are 7 years old and below. What does incompetent mean? If she’s unemployed, addicted to drugs (even if it’s just cough syrup), a drunk or has been convicted of a crime; this could mean that she’s incapable of caring for her children. If a mother beats her children, or emotionally abuses them, she can also lose custody. If the kids are always getting sick due to lack of care, dressed in what looks like street rags and are always dirty, or if their mom has them living in an environment that’s not appropriate for their age; these could also be grounds for a father to gain custody of their kids. But of course, you have to understand that these might be happening because the father is not supporting the kids, and the mother, though employed, just doesn’t earn enough to feed herself and her kids.
Some mothers leave their children with the grandparents or house help, and this is fine as long as the kids are getting proper care. This usually happens when a mother has to work, either locally or abroad. A father may seek custody if he can prove that his children will have a better life with him.
Now, just because the mother is in a relationship with another man, this doesn’t mean that the father can have custody of their children. Unless, of course, the man living with the mother is a drug user/pusher, drunk, abusive, etc.; the father may file for full custody of the children. There’s no law in this world that states that a mother cannot marry or live with another guy; especially if her husband/boyfriend/live-in partner is a good man.
If the child reaches the age of 7, he has the choice to stay with his mother or father; UNLESS he’s incapable of making that decision; such as he is suffering from a mental illness. It’s always what’s best for the child that courts consider.
This information is incomplete and only consists of answers that have been frequently asked. So if you have other questions, please let me know and I’ll try my best to have them answered. Also, no opinions have been stated in this article except in paragraph 1, just so people don’t start telling me that I’m biased.
March 17th, 2009 - 4:12 am
Mam Jackie,
According to your article unemployment may be a basis of a mother to lose custody of a child. My ex-girlfriend is currently unemployed and she just gave birth to a baby, na, what she told me, is mine. Nagkaron po sya ng relationship with another guy nung kami pa kaya po ako nakipaghiwalay. Ngayon po tinatanong nya ako kung ano po plano ko sa baby and upon reading your articles, i’ve decided na kukunin ko na lang po ang baby at ako na lang po ang mag-aalaga. As of now, i just resigned from my work which is really hard pero kung titimbangin po mas maaalagaan ko po ang bata kasi po she is the oldest in her family and baka po mahirapan lang sya to think na kailangan nya ring suportahan ang family nya. Actually, hindi pa po ako sigurado kung sa akin nga ang bata kaso she keeps on insisting na sa akin nga. Ayoko na lang po na dumating pa sa point na magkademandahan pa. She told me na her “boyfriend” will support her until she can take care of the baby but she refused daw po kasi ako daw po ang dapat gumawa nun. Sana po mabigyan nyo ako ng advice as soon as possible. Salamat po.
March 17th, 2009 - 7:06 am
I think when the law states unemployment, it must mean that she has been unemployed for some time or if she is unable to keep a job. It’s also hard to find a job nowadays, so you have to factor that in also. She may be looking for one, but she just can’t land the job. If her unemployment is due to her pregnancy, then this is a valid reason because she may have had a rough time during the last 9 months. Without a paternity test, you can’t be sure that the baby is yours, I advise you to get one as soon as possible.
You mentioned that you resigned from your work, so you are also unemployed. The court will not grant you custody because you do not have an income to support the child.
Jackie
March 17th, 2009 - 2:24 pm
Thank you po Mam Jackie.
I just learned na hindi na po pala sya nakatira sa parents nya and she is currently staying sa friend nya with the baby. Again, salamat po ulit. Very helpful po ang site nyo. God bless.
March 24th, 2009 - 3:21 pm
Dear Mam Jack,
I am unemployed from Dec 2008, i’m afraid na makuha ng ex husband ko ang anak namin. we’re married tumagal lang kami ng 3 years, tumira kami ng davao at naghiwalay, bumalik ako d2 sa Quezon City, kasama ko ang anak namin na 4 years old na ngayon.Dati, okay naman ang support ng bata, wala man syang monthly support, bumabawi naman ang byenan kong babae everytime na pumapasyal sa bata, clothes, milk, diapers with money worth 5000(last nung november) ang iniiwan sa kin. Dumadalaw din ang papa nya pero once a year lang.But late last year nawalan na ng sustento ang bata. hindi na sya nag dadiaper pero nag aaral naman na. Last month nagpadala ang papa nya ng 1 thousand, pero from december up to this month at yun lang ang support na pinadala nya, kulang naman talaga.
I texted him asking for support, and telling him that i will find a lawyer that would help me to do a demand letter. He told me ako ang umalis at sinabi ko na kaya kong buhayin ang bata kahit walang suporta mula sa kanya, sabi nya kukuha din sya ng abogado nya para kunin ang anak namin dahil wala naman daw akong trabaho. Eversince i was single, my father who is based in Middle East was continously sending me money until now, nag iipon po ako para makapag patayo ng maliit na tindahan, and sya din ang nagpatigil sa kin sa trabaho dahil wlang ibang tumitingin sa anak ko nung ako ang nagtratrabaho, kung receipts ng padala ang pag uusapan marami akong maipapakita, pero i’m not sure kung valid ba yun as proof na may income pa din naman ako. Mam Jacky, natatakot po akong makuha ng asawa ko ang anak ko, gusto ko lang makuha yung sustento nya para din sa pag aaral ng bata. May kaya po ang papa nya at alam kong kaya nilang kunin ang bata.
please help.
guia
March 24th, 2009 - 3:49 pm
Hi Guia,
May allowance ka naman pala from your father, and it’s only been a few months since you were unemployed. And you also have a plan to build up a business, so I don’t see how you will lose your child. Especially since it was a mutual decision between you and your husband for you to quit your job when your baby was born. And hopeless cases is yung mga babae na walang trabaho for 2 years at walang balak na maghanap dahil may inaasahan silang sustento galing sa mga asawa or ex-bf nila. You’re not that.
It doesn’t matter kung ikaw ang umalis or kung ano man ang sinabi mo sa kanya na kaya mo buhayin ang anak mo on your own, it won’t hold up in court. You still deserve a monthly support for yourself and your child. Get a lawyer as soon as possible and send a demand letter.
Jackie
March 27th, 2009 - 4:29 pm
Hi Mam Jack,
Thanks for your reply. My problem now is i don’t know where will i send the demand letter. Paiba-iba kasi sya ng statement, sabi nya his in Davao right now pero pinapadala sya ng Zamboanga ng boss nya or kung ano anong place sinansabi nya, ayaw nya din sabihin kung ano talaga ang work nya pero regular employee daw sya.
Once in a while dinadalaw ng mother nya ang apo nya sa kin, pero madalang talaga. Like right now, ang last visit nung lola was November pa. Kung hindi ko po alam ang address nya, pwede ko bang ibigay sa mother nya yung demand letter?Sa mga nabasa ko dito, its best sana kung registered mail.
please help. thanks again….
guia
March 30th, 2009 - 1:22 am
You should send the demand letter/s to his home and office address so they can be received by someone through registered mail. It’s best if you can find out where he works.
April 2nd, 2009 - 10:43 pm
Ms Jackie,
Thanks for the reply. You are really a big help to me. I would like to ask how much percentage can i get for my child?kahit na wala na ako, since we’re married. I just really want to make sure that my child will get enough from his father. Medyo kinakabahan ako to start the process pero i know i can make it. What will be the situation if he refuse to agree on the demand letter, i know it will start to continue in the Court but how will he show up if his in Davao? Pwede pa din po bang kasuhan kung nasa malayo yung isa?
thanks again in advance.
guia
April 4th, 2009 - 10:28 pm
ask ko lang po about my situation,kinasal po kme last 2000 and we had 3 kids …pro i decided to live the house last 2006..pro may nangyari pa po smen last year which is nagbunga at nanganak ulit ako last march..pro he keeps on denying na sa kanya ung baby…sinasabi nya pa na papa DNA daw po nya kse wala daw po sya tiwala sken, …and im very much willing naman po..ang kaso po hindi sya nagbibigay ng suporta sa bata ever since pinanganak ko..ang hirap po ng sitwasyon ko kse wala pa po akong trabaho ngayon. hope you can give me advice about what to do.
thanks po and God bless!
May 4th, 2009 - 2:16 pm
hi jackie! here’s my situation,. I have a 2 year old daughter and she carrries her biological father’s last name. He’s my boyfriend that time and we’ve decided not to get married because we’re not ready yet. His family knew about the kid the time I gave birth so my mother and sister were the people that supports me with my entire pregnancy til I gave birth. Then he started supporting her fives months after since that’s the time he got a job , buying her milk and diaper. Then we parted ways . The last time he visited our daughter was February 2008 and the last milk and diapers were sent June 2008. Since then, my new boyfriend helps me to support my daughter .Her father didn’t contact us anymore or even visit our daughter. Now I’m married to a responsible man and about to have a baby. My daughter lives with us and she calls my husband as “daddy.” My husband loves her so much. He treats her like his own child. My husband and I wants her to carry our last name . What shall I do? We don’t want to ask support from the father because we can support my daughter with everything she needs and wants. Thanks
May 5th, 2009 - 7:42 pm
sana po may makatulong sa akin nag hiwalay po kami ng aking live in partner..so gusto ko lang po malaman ang detalyadong sagot kung papanu ko makukuha ang aking anak..sa akin ito nakaa pelido..at gusto ko po sana malaman kung anu ang legal na magagawa ko para d2..salamat po
May 12th, 2009 - 10:24 pm
Hi Jackie,
I just discovered your website today, and find it very informative and helpful.
It appears that you haven’t recently replied to some of the emails above. I would like to share my story, but I would rather do it “off the board” for now.
I am hoping that you would reply via email soon.
Many thanks!
May 14th, 2009 - 6:41 pm
Hi. I have a complicated case concerning custody of my son and would like to discuss this further through email. I hope you can respond to my email soon. Thanks