We all live difficult lives, and don’t think that you’re special just because you’re raising a child on your own. So I say this to mothers who think they can get away with anything: “stop being spiteful and greedy, and start being realistic”.

I don’t pretend to be perfect, I’m just a parent. And like you, I’m learning everyday. Like all mothers, I care about my children and their wellbeing. I would also like to believe that I am giving out sound advice to moms.

Give him some slack! I know, I know. We’ve been getting that “I don’t make a lot of money” and “I still have to eat” crap from our exes, and we’ve probably heard all kinds of excuses for slacking off on child support– but in some cases, they’re probably telling you the truth. With the global financial crisis in full throttle, we have to consider the possibility of “real” unemployment or business bankruptcy. I’m not saying, let him get away with it either. Just learn to compromise with him. If he’s willing, let him take on another responsibility to help you out. If he doesn’t have a job yet, and you can’t afford a nanny; let your ex watch over your kid while you work. Give him something he can do to help you save money; fix your car, drive your kid to school, fix the plumbing, etc.

Let him see the kids. He may not have been a good husband or boyfriend, but there’s a big possibility that he’s a good dad especially if he’s willing to compromise with you; you should give him a chance to show it. Let him visit your kid once in a while. If you don’t feel comfortable leaving your child under his care, set up a “play date” or let the nanny tag along. Do this for your kid, let them decide whether or not their dads should be hero-worshipped or ignored.

Share the responsibility of character building. Don’t think that just because you’re the custodial parent, your word is law. Let the dads have a say on what’s right and what’s wrong, what’s true and what’s false. If there’s anything that you don’t want your kids to know or find out, talk to the dads and make sure he understands your conditions. Know where to draw the line especially when it comes to religion, politics or family affairs.

Make an effort to communicate your child’s triumphs and failures. If they’re old enough, let them tell their dads. Children love telling stories, even if they were just trying to catch butterflies in the garden. You don’t have to call, just send an email or text message with a picture attached. Let your kids share their lives with their dads, they deserve it.

Stop saying mean things about their dads just so your kids will hate their fathers. Nothing good will come out of it, believe me, I’ve seen moms struggle over this issue. If your kid asks, tell them the truth. But never, as in never, blurt out nasty stories about your ex over dinner. Remember that it’s better to keep your mouth shut than regret what comes out of it for the rest of your life.

I believe that children should be given the right to decide for themselves. As part of this, I believe that they have the right to know who their fathers really are. Let them! Don’t hold them back. In order for them to learn and understand, they have to experience both joy and pain. Just be sure to be there when they need a shoulder to cry on.